March 27, 2015 § Leave a comment
“In a perfect world, you could fuck people without giving them a piece of your heart. And every glittering kiss and every touch of flesh is another shard of heart you’ll never see again.”
“It’s like the people who believe they’ll be happy if they go and live somewhere else, but who learn it doesn’t work that way. Wherever you go, you take yourself with you.”
“When we hold each other, in the darkness, it doesn’t make the darkness go away. The bad things are still out there. The nightmares still walking. When we hold each other we feel not safe, but better. “It’s all right” we whisper, “I’m here, I love you.” and we lie: “I’ll never leave you.” For just a moment or two the darkness doesn’t seem so bad.”
“That which is dreamed can never be lost, can never be undreamed.”
“I mean, maybe I am crazy. I mean, maybe. But if this is all there is, then I don’t want to be sane.”
“I’ve been making a list of the things they don’t teach you at school. They don’t teach you how to love somebody. They don’t teach you how to be famous. They don’t teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. They don’t teach you how to walk away from someone you don’t love any longer. They don’t teach you how to know what’s going on in someone else’s mind. They don’t teach you what to say to someone who’s dying. They don’t teach you anything worth knowing.”
“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”
January 29, 2015 § Leave a comment
“You remind me of my mother.”
“You know they say guys always marry girls that are like their mothers.”
“I’d marry you.”
January 20, 2015 § Leave a comment
I don’t think I ever could pretend I never meant to feel this way
And I wish that you could stay.
January 17, 2015 § Leave a comment
And maybe there’s a god above, but all I ever learned from love is how to shoot somebody who outdrew you.
January 9, 2015 § Leave a comment
December 22, 2014 § Leave a comment
I want to scream, but I’d forgotten how.
The sound forms in my throat and doesn’t come out. It turns to a lump and I swallow it, forcing it down my throat and into my stomach, where it ties another knot.
I am made of knots, and lumps, and itching under my skin and noise inside my head, and I want to scream.
But I’d forgotten how.
There’s this feeling.
It crawls right under the skin. Sometimes you can see it from the corner of your eye. It gets stronger in the silences between songs, between words, your own or others’, between noises meant to drown it out. It resonates through the mind, amplifying everything that should be quieted down, muting all that needs to be louder. It itches. It itches on the insides of elbows and wrists. You can spot it in restless legs, restless bodies, restless minds. If you listen in just the right way, you can hear it scream silently, trying to get out.
There’s this feeling. Do you know it?
“I thought I understood it, that I could grasp it, but I didn’t, not really. Only the smudgeness of it; the pink-slippered, all-containered, semi-precious eagerness of it. I didn’t realize it would sometimes be more than whole, that the wholeness was a rather luxurious idea. Because it’s the halves that halve you in half. I didn’t know, don’t know, about the in-between bits; the gory bits of you, and the gory bits of me.” – Like Crazy
“How odd I can have all this inside me and to you it’s just words.” – David Foster Wallace
Worlds don’t end with fire and blood, with screams or whispers, with unimaginable horrors or the pressing of a button. Worlds end with just one word – goodbye.
And sometimes, they just end in silence.
“it was late May, it was hot, and he really ought to take off his overcoat, but his overcoat was his defense against the thin shards of glass that passers-by slipped casually under his skin, not to mention the slow-motion explosion of shop windows, the bone-rattling thunder of subway trains, and the heartbreaking passage of each second, like a grain of sand trickling through his body. No, he would not take off his overcoat.” – Edward St. Aubryn, the Patrick Melrose Series.
I watch as dreams crumble into dust
and float into the darkened skies
and shine so bright, a sea of stars
reflecting in another’s eyes.
“Be not simply good; be good for something.” – Henry David Thoreau.
“We rode on the winds of the rising storm,
We ran to the sounds of the thunder.
We danced among the lightning bolts,
and tore the world asunder.” – The Wheel of Time.