Variables Table

Variables Table / Yair Lapid:

“I’m for returning Gaza, and quickly. I guess I’m leftist.

Whoever touches my Jerusalem, gets the beating of their life. So I guess I’m right-wing.

We need to talk to the PLO. Either you don’t talk at all, or you talk with the enemy, not his little brother. That’s what I think. Like a leftist.

We also need to talk to the settlers. There are some good, scared people sitting there, pressed against the wall. They ain’t heavy, they’re our brothers. That’s how I feel. Like a righty.

The Jewish nation didn’t rise in the land of Israel. It escaped here. It came here after the gas chambers, the camps, after the tearing out of beards and the yellow star. Whoever yells “Death to the Arabs”, isn’t much different than those who yelled “Death to the Jews”, and one day they will also yell “Death to the leftist”. Leftists like me.

You can’t be Israeli, if you’re not Jewish. And you can’t be Jewish, if you don’t know why. And you can’t know why, if you don’t study the history. And you can’t study the history without understanding that we came here to not be murdered anymore. And whoever tries to kill us, we’ll break his fucking head. Me, and all my right-wing brothers.

On Passover I ate tons of leavened food. There are many countries where there’s nothing to eat at all, but we’re the only country where eating is prohibited by law. Of all the un-democratic distortions, this is the weirdest of them all. Like all leftists, I’m for separating state from religion.

The right of return is a religious, anti-democratic, immoral law. And a good thing it is. I have no other land. The Arabs can go look for their buddies elsewhere if they want. I, like anyone else from the right, am waiting for the Los Angeles Cohen and the Damascus Levi.

There is no “homeland security” argument that will convince me that I can’t know what happens in the Shabak (GSS) basements. In general, we need to be a basement-less country. Every leftist knows that one level is more than enough for our national home.

I would hug every undercover soldier personally, if I weren’t afraid to smear his make-up. Whoever kills an armed terrorist in Gaza, saves a child in Tel Aviv. Like every paranoid right-wing person, I, too, always think that the child that has been saved is mine.

I’m for the blockade, because it’s admitting the inevitable. We used to have a green line, now we have a red line. Every leftist knows that a blockade is the beginning of a process.

I’m for the blockade, because it’s admitting the inevitable. The terror is our main problem, and every righty knows that the a peace process is not a substitute for safety.

Like all leftists, I  understand people better than the right. I know that most people want something to eat, someplace to work, and a beach for a vacation. The people want their lives back.

Like all of the right, I understand people better than the left. I know that most people want to feel some sort of pride. They won’t bend to reality, they’d rather face it.

The left has no god.

The right has too much god.

If god were here, we would have no need of either.”

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