A Glimpse

“Depression lies,” says The Bloggess, and the woman knows her shit. But repeating that mantra while you’re deep inside it doesn’t always help. Because depression lies so well, it sounds like the truth.

The thing that people who never experienced it don’t seem to understand, is that the thoughts that go through one’s head when one is depressed don’t seem like lies. Instead, the seem like the only true moments of clarity in a lifetime of lies.

Things will not get better, things will not work out. They do sometimes, but they won’t for you. They never did and have no reason to start.

The boy who packed a girl’s heart and took it away in his suitcase will not bring it back or trade for his own. Distance and money and borders and laws aren’t even the problem if to one, love is not the point while to the other, love is all that is.

Hope is a lie that gets us out of bed in the morning so that we can go through the motions of faking a truth and living a lie. I am not really happy, nor will I ever be, because I suffer from the horrible condition of wanting the one thing I cannot have.
Always and forever reaching for stars and grasping nothing but air.

Some days are better, even the depression-afflicted brain will agree. Some things that happen aren’t so bad. But if you allow yourself even a moment of hope, if you falter and dare to dream of a change to your liking – well, you’ve brought this upon yourself really, you silly girl. We covered this already, says depression-brain, don’t you remember? And as the days pass you know that it’s right. Nothing changes, the stars are still out of reach, even if you trade one for another. gluing a heart back together only means it will break once again.

There is no point, why even bother?

I cannot change a person, and I cannot change the way I am. I will never be good enough for those that matter to me. A second-best, but never first choice. They’ve left me before, they will do it again. Such is life. It’s just the way things are.

There is no point, why even bother?

And when you’re depressed, nothing seems truer, nothing makes more sense than this.

There is no point, why even bother?

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